Teaching our children how to properly respond and move forward is a vital skill that will pay off later in life
As a mom of three little girls, I have learned quite a bit about raising children. I don’t have all the answers, no matter how much I wish that I did at times. However, there are some key tactics that I have picked up, and one of them is the importance of teaching your children as of little, how to get over it. These are some of my key takeaways so far.
Kids Are Always Learning
As a mom, I have seen that children are always learning. They are always picking up new things and evolving. One thing is to hear people talking about it, but being a parent and witnessing it for yourself is an eye opener. Right now, is a great time to build a solid foundation of emotional stability. Right now they are young and it is such a great time to start teaching them valuable skills that they will need in order to survive.
Kids Are Being Introduced Into Their Emotions
Right now, that they are little, is when children are being introduced into their emotions. My girls are learning how they react to certain things. My husband and I try to navigate them through this process. We strive to create a framework in thought process on how to get through their frustrations and tantrums. I believe that if nobody ever goes this deep to teach us this as kids, then we end up creating our own reactions. We do this to the best of our abilities, based off of what we see around us. The problem is, that often times what we see around us, is far from what we need to be adopting.
Creating a Framework/Mindset
As an adult, I think about how we go through difficult times in our own day. Often times, if you dissect the situation properly and truthfully, you can go back and see that something was handled incorrectly on your part. I believe this to be because of bad framework that was developed at an early age. There was no proper guidance on how to build the proper mindset.
When my kids get really over the top, my husband and I usually get them to first calm themselves down. How?
We get them to focus on their breathing. Together, we are going to breathe in through our nose, hold 2-3 seconds, and release slowly through the mouth.
We have them repeat this cycle until the crying is controlled and the body comes back to a state of control. The goal is to show them that they can control themselves. They gain that control through breathing. I strongly encourage you to work on this with your children if you aren’t already. It’s something they will carry into the rest of their lives.
Use Your Words
When my kids get really upset, they start to cry and get all bent out of shape. We get the stomping of the feet, the closing of doors, and the occasional back talk. There is minimal communication taking place when they do this and that is what we look to change. Yes, I can see that they are upset through their body language, but I cannot properly communicate with them if they do not use their words. Growing up in my family, you always heard the occasional “keep your mouth shut” or “don’t you dare talk back to me” 😂
While I understand that you don’t want bounce back in a disrespectful fashion, I do think that you need to let kids express themselves.
In our home, we teach our kids that they have every right to speak up for themselves. We never want to make them feel like they can’t or shouldn’t. It is all about using your words, but more importantly, it is about how you choose to use your words. Which leads perfectly into the next one…
Coaching Moment on How to Express Yourself
We like for them to express themselves when they are frustrated. First, it allows for us as parents, to understand them better. Secondly, it opens up the floor for an excellent opportunity to coach them on HOW to express themselves. This goes back to what I was saying earlier — if nobody teaches us how to handle situations, we create our own methods and processes. Later, we struggle as we grow into more complex levels of our lives.
If you are self-aware, you step back and you ask yourself — why am I struggling? If not, you just keep going through life with the same framework and taking the consistent hits thinking it’s not so much you, it’s the universe. While I do believe things happen for a reason, I also believe a huge amount of our journey reflects the way we choose to handle things and how we choose to express ourselves.
Strength is Found Under Control
When our minds are spastic, we cannot process information properly. That is why teaching our children on how to get themselves under control is important. We enforce this through their breathing and once they have found that control, they can now think more clearly.
It is a practice that is so easily put into words, but is such a hard practice to master. As a result, it is vital for us to begin to instill this part of psychology into our children. It will take a lifetime to master, therefore it would be wise to get a jump on as soon as you can.
There are plenty of scenarios that we have lived through, where the outcome is not exactly what we want. Any kid gets bent out of shape about this. Begin as of early, to instill compromise into their vocabulary.
Just yesterday, my little one was upset because she did not get the movie selection she wanted. We had the conversation about compromise. There were options given, part of being a team player is compromising for the betterment of the team. It’s not always going to turn out exactly how you want. Let’s move forward.
Guide Them Towards The Solution
We can be so quick to identify the problems, but then to find the solution, becomes nothing short of a complete brain freeze. It’s easier to complain and sulk. Solutions require more effort.
The real strength, is in the process of finding the solutions and moving forward. By taking the time to guide our children towards expressing themselves properly, and then taking action towards the solution, we help them get that repetition down until it becomes a natural habit.
My kids express themselves properly, we address it, and then we move forward. No lingering negativity needs to continue. If it does continue, then we address it again, until that common ground is established. We then go right back towards finding the solution and moving along. They are kids, they will continue to have their moments. It’s just about consistent coaching. Eventually they’ll get it down.
End On A Positive Note
Every situation is going to be different. Some situations are going to affect them more than others. We always try to end things on a positive note. No matter how heavy the situation, or how long it takes to resolve, take the time to keep things positive.
Changing behavior is something that requires time and patience. My kids do such an amazing job and have developed tremendously thanks to these principles. They know it’s never about negativity, its about becoming better.
Knowing how to get over things, is something they value.